As most of you now know, Stanley, my little family and I were sealed for time and all eternity. It was the most incredible day of my life, but the months leading up to it, were not. I had so much fear!! Did I want to be sealed to this man that hurt me so much, for ETERNITY?! Did I want to be sealed to this man, who a few months prior to our sealing was signing the divorce papers I had given him?! How did we get to where we were going so quickly, and was I making the biggest mistake?? I remember kneeling by my bed one night, and saying, I will go forward in faith. I have absolutely no clue what is ahead, but I will continue to keep the commandments and live how I know to be right, and have faith that whatever is suppose to happen, my Heavenly Father will take care of me. And if it wasn’t suppose to be, it wouldn’t be. So the day of our sealing came and I remember thinking, “okay. You brought me to this day, so I will go forward”. Still unsure if that’s what I really wanted, all I had to ride on in that moment was FAITH that it would be okay.
I always thought I had faith before then. But I never had to jump off a cliff, having no clue what and if anything was going to catch me, only having FAITH that I would be okay. And that’s what that experience was for me. I went to the edge of the cliff and jumped. I learned what having faith really means.
The way my Heavenly Father has taken care of me and my family has been more than I could have hoped for or expected. He has shown me that following with true faith is the way we should go. But in life, comes life. And some things fade into the background with out even realizing it. We bought a house a few weeks ago, and are MOVING!! We have 10 new puppies+a dog. My husband has started a few new business adventures and works non stop! My 3 year old gives me a constant headache (good thing he is so gosh darn cute) and my baby girl has an ear infection what feels like every other week!! With all of these things going on, I have felt completely helpless. I can’t control anything in my life and have become overwhelmed to say the least. I have found myself praying and praying for things to happen that I want so badly to happen, and having “faith” that they would happen, if I asked hard enough. I wasn’t meaning for that to be the intention, but I realized that’s exactly what I had been doing. Faith had become just a word. I wasn’t using it as I now know how to truly use it.
When I was praying about getting sealed, not once did I say “this is what I want to happen” Instead I went forward saying, lead the way. I had no clue as to what should happen. I had zero control. I had decided to give the control to God. Having faith is truly giving your life to God. Sometimes you might want things, that you don’t receive. But having faith is knowing that he knows what’s better for us than we do. My favorite saying that I have mentioned many times before is “let go and let god”. He won’t do for us what we can do for ourselves, but if we do our part and truly live the way we know to be best, and give the rest to him, he WILL take care of us. Maybe not today, tomorrow, or even this life. But if we go forward with faith, faith in HIM and HIS will for us, he will take care of us. In better ways than we can even imagine.
With Love,
Jocelyn
